Charlotte Jane

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My sweet little girl will be turn 1 year old tomorrow! I can’t believe how different our life is today than it was a year ago. A year ago today I thought that I would be pregnant forever. We made plans to go to dinner with our precious friends, the Donaladsons, leaving Jack with Matt’s parents. I was 16 days over due at this point and feeling every moment of it. It was hard to be comfortable in any position, making sleep a very frustrating experience to say the least. Even the normal solace that I found in bubble baths was tainted by the ending where I had to figure out how to get my large body out of that little tiny space so low to the ground.

                                                                                                                                      9 days overdue

During out dinner date I had one long, odd contraction and then nothing else for about an hour or so. The next contraction hit in Harris Teeter where we had popped in to get some oranges. The check out clerk saw me coming and said “Oh, honey, you’re STILL pregnant?!?! Maybe you should just go to the hospital and get it over with!” I was sorely tempted and all the way home reminded myself of why it is that I choose homebirth  and believe that it is the best choice for me and my children.

If you have never been pregnant you may not understand this, but in the midst of pregnancy you really do feel like you have been pregnant forever, will be pregnant forever, your life will never be there same. You know logically that the baby will come out at some point, but emotionally your mind can’t wrap itself around that concept. The amazing thing is, once you have that baby in your arms, all those months of suffering really are worth it. I would be pregnant all over again just to have my two wonderful kids.

And now Charlotte is going to be One! I am amazed to see that I must have somehow blinked and she somehow is transitioning from baby to toddler in that short nanosecond. It makes me want to cry for two different reasons. One, somehow, I, Meghan Murray, no longer have a baby in the house… we’ve always had a baby thanks to the fact that our kids are only a short 14 months apart. And two, I wish that I had appreciated it more. I know that this is sort of wishful thinking since all I could do for the first 3 months was survive and the next 3 months after that, adapt. It’s not easy having two kids, and having them so close together is even more difficult but ever since Charlotte could crawl it has steadily gotten easier and sweeter and she and Jack actually play together, freeing me from being needed constantly. It’s beautiful but it’s also shocking to have a little amount of time throughout the day where my presence is not essential to their happiness.

It’s a beautiful gift, to be sure, but it’s also a bit staggering after such a long time of being pregnant, then nursing, then being pregnant while nursing, and then nursing a whole new person. A feel a little confused and overwhelmed by my precious baby turning 1 tomorrow, but overall I just love watching her turn into a little girl. Seeing her gentle and sweet personality develop, marveling at how completely different she is from her big brother, and how similar she is to her gentle and sweet Daddy. Tomorrow I’ll share her birth story, but for today, I’ll just share how completely in love I am with Charlotte Jane.

                                                                                                                                              2 months old

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